Reconceptualizing Forgiveness in Our Relationships

Heading into the holiday season feels different for everyone. Some are filled with excitement; others, with dread.

This year, we’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness. Within relationships and families, it’s a word that comes up often and for good reason. Those closest to us are also the ones most capable of hurting us, whether intentionally or not.

Forgiveness can be complicated, hard to define, and harder still to practice. Society often frames it as a final destination, a moment when we release all resentment and move forward unburdened. But when forgiveness feels like a mountaintop to reach, it can seem out of reach altogether.

What if we saw it differently? Instead of a lofty, one-time achievement, what if forgiveness were an ongoing, everyday practice, something we do continuously? What if we normalized apologizing and forgiving many times a day, just as we ask children to do: apologize, forgive, and move on.

The truth is, small mistakes happen all the time when we misstep or our partners misstep and often we repeat the same patterns, especially when we’re tired or stressed. We’re not talking about blind acceptance or ignoring harm, but about recognizing our shared humanity in that we all err, and that compassion helps us course-correct over time.

In relationships, it is so infrequent that we are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. So, often we are apologizing in order to show acknowledgement of how our actions affect others. This way we can de-pathologize apologies and make them more of a dynamic conversation that shows care and acceptance.

What does this look like for couples and families around the holidays?

Practice small apologies. Offer and accept them sincerely, but casually. They don’t need to be grand gestures.
Discern the difference. Reflect on which moments call for a simple “I’m sorry for…” and which deserve a deeper conversation.
Extend it outward. Consider how this approach might soften tensions or misunderstandings with extended family or friends during the holiday season.

Forgiveness doesn’t have to be a finish line. It can be a rhythm that keeps our relationships flexible and resilient.