When we see couples, we begin with their story— what brings them to therapy, how they met, and what attracts them to each other. We then meet with each member of the couple individually in order to get to know both people as individuals. We talk to them about their previous relationship history and past hurts that may be brought into the present relationship.
We spend the next several sessions organizing and re-ordering the couple’s relational experience into a coherent narrative. The couple begins to see their arguments in a new light, make sense of the interactions that used to feel hopeless and hurtful. The couple understands why they feel alienated from one another, lonely despite having company.
After turning down the heat, the therapy goes into deeper emotions. Partners learn to hear one another and be there in each other’s pain. This is the most healing aspect of therapy- one’s partner becomes their secure base, their safe haven.
Therapy finds closure where partners can re-negotiate old problems, soothe each other’s fears, and embrace each other’s needs. What once felt ruptured and broken is healed and life together can move forward with hope and resilience.